What's Fixed and What's Flexible: The Architecture of Your Midlife Story

This second article in the Midlife Identity Remix series will help you understand yourself in a new way. And that will clear the path toward meaningful change.

Are you excited about changing your story at midlife?

Hopefully so. But you also may be thinking about the last time you tried to make a significant change. And you’re remembering that it felt difficult, bordering on impossible.

• Like pushing against a wall.

• Like trying to become someone you fundamentally aren’t.

• Like your brain screaming, “This isn’t who we are. Stop.”

That feeling isn’t a weakness, and it’s not a lack of willpower. It’s your brain protecting an identity it thinks is you.

But here’s the good news: Most of what feels unchangeable actually isn’t. You just need to understand what’s flexible about your personality and how to shift it in a new direction.

This second article in the Midlife Identity Remix series will help you understand yourself in a new way. And that will clear the path toward meaningful change.

If you missed last week’s series introduction, go ahead and read it first: Midlife Isn’t a Crisis, It’s a Plot Twist.

Your Personality Is More Flexible Than You Think

Most people believe personality is fixed. Unchangeable. “Just who I am.”

The research tells a different story.

Dr. Brian Little, a personality psychologist whose work spans decades, found that only about one-third of personality is genetic. That means two-thirds is shaped by experience, environment, and intentional development.

That’s a lot of room for change.

Dr. Benjamin Hardy, in his book Personality Isn’t Permanent, puts it this way:

Your personality will adapt to the level of your goals and decisions, rather than your decisions and goals falling to the level of your current personality.

When you make decisions based on your future identity rather than your current one, your personality follows. It adapts and changes.

You’re not stuck. But you need to understand what you’re working with.

Your Three-Layer Personality Architecture

Dr. Little identifies three sources of personality. Think of them as three layers that make you who you are.

1. Biogenic Traits (The Genetic Baseline)

This is the one-third that’s hardwired. They’re your baseline dispositional tendencies:

• Where you fall on the introversion/extroversion spectrum

• Your sensitivity to stimulation

• Risk tolerance versus cautiousness

• Emotional reactivity

This is the hardware. You can’t change it, and you shouldn’t try to. Instead of working against it, you work with it to achieve the ideal alignment.

For example, if you’re dispositionally introverted, you’re not going to become extroverted.

But you can build a life and career that works with introversion instead of fighting it (just like I did). And I can tell you from experience that you can develop the ability to perform extroverted behaviors when it serves your goals.

2. Sociogenic Traits (Cultural Programming)

Sociogenic traits are absorbed from your family, your culture, your social groups, and your generational cohort. They feel like “who you are,” but they were actually installed by your environment.

This is where the committee’s deepest influence lives. Examples:

• “People like us don’t make scenes.”

• “In our family, we value stability over adventure.”

• Gender role expectations you absorbed growing up.

• Class-based assumptions about what’s appropriate.

• Gen X-specific traits: self-reliance, skepticism of institutions, ironic distance.

Here’s the key insight: Sociogenic traits feel as fixed as biogenic traits. But they’re not.

They are learned. Which means they can be unlearned.

These traits are sticky because they’re constantly reinforced by your social context:

• Your family still expects you to be “the responsible one.”

• Your old friends still see you as “the scattered one” or “the serious one.”

• The culture you grew up in still broadcasts its values.

But sticky doesn’t mean permanent. And one of the fastest ways to see your sociogenic programming is to remove yourself from the culture that installed it.

This is why travel and exposure to other countries’ customs can be so transformative at midlife. When you spend time in a different nation, you suddenly see that “People like us don’t...” was never a universal truth. It was just one culture’s programming.

• The French approach to work-life balance makes you question American hustle culture.

• The Latin American attitude about meals and relationships challenges your beliefs about productivity.

• The expat life reveals how arbitrary so many of your “supposed to’s” actually were.

Distance creates perspective. And perspective creates choice.

This is one reason location independence isn’t just about your ideal business or lifestyle design. It’s also about identity freedom. When you’re not constantly swimming in the water that programmed you, you can finally see the water itself.

3. Idiogenic Traits (Self-Authored)

This is what you consciously choose to do and be. Your agency. Your authorship.

Dr. Little refers to putting these “free” traits to work as your personal projects. They’re the meaningful goals and pursuits you choose to commit to, not just tasks on a to-do list. They’re the projects that matter to you and give your life meaning and direction.

Free traits are where change happens most readily, because you’re making intentional decisions about who you want to become and what you want to build.

It’s a personal project when:

• You consciously decide, “I’m becoming someone who builds an expertise-based business.”

• You choose to develop a skill that doesn’t come naturally because it serves your goals (say, speaking in front of crowds).

• You commit to writing, exercising, or working on your personal development.

Personal projects are powerful because they give you the sense of purpose to use your free traits in the first place. They’re what make acting “out of character” worth the energy.

This is the layer you have the most control over. And it’s the layer that can actually reshape your personality over time when combined with sustained effort.

Why This Matters at Midlife

Most people mistake sociogenic traits for biogenic traits:

• They think “I’m just not someone who speaks up” is genetic. It’s not. It’s learned.

• They think “People in my family don’t take big risks” is a matter of biological destiny. It’s not. It’s cultural programming.

• They think “I need to sacrifice what I want in favor of others” is their essential nature. It’s not. It’s a role they were assigned.

The committee wrote most of your story at the sociogenic level. And you internalized it so deeply that it feels like hardware.

But it’s not hardware, it’s software. In fact, it’s old software you’ve been running for so long that you forgot someone else installed it.

At midlife, you finally have enough perspective to see the difference. So while you have free rein over your idiogenic traits (as you’ll see), don’t be afraid to push back against your social conditioning.

Free Traits: Your Flexibility Mechanism

Here’s where Dr. Little’s work gets practical.

His Free Traits Theory, which fuels change-as-personal-projects, says you can act “out of character” when it serves goals that matter to you. You’re not trapped by your dispositional traits. You can strategically perform behaviors outside your natural comfort zone.

But there are conditions. It works when:

• You’re doing it for goals you care about, not goals the committee set for you;

• It’s temporary and bounded, not a constant “always on” performance; and

• You build in recovery time (what Little calls “restorative niches”).

Example: An introverted entrepreneur can attend networking events, give speaking engagements, and pursue visibility work when these activities serve their business goals. They design their business so these performances are strategic, not constant. And they build in recovery time afterward.

(And by “they,” I mean “me.”)

This isn’t exhausting or fake. It’s intentional growth, and I’m living proof.

And here’s the kicker: When you consistently pursue personal projects in service of meaningful purpose, your personality actually adapts over time. Your personality shifts to accommodate the person you’re becoming.

Personal projects powered by free traits aren’t just temporary performances. They’re the bridge between who you are and who you want to be.

Now… Add In the Autopilot Problem

So if personality is two-thirds flexible, why does change still feel so difficult?

It’s because you’ve been running the same personality program for decades, and your brain is an efficiency machine. It doesn’t want to consciously decide every action, so it automates.

Heuristics develop, habits form, and mental shortcuts become default settings. Over time, these automated patterns start feeling like “who you are.”

• “I’m just not a morning person.”

• “I’m not good with money.”

• “I can’t do public speaking.”

But here’s the reality: You’ve run the same routine so many times that it’s become automatic, which means your brain created well-worn neural pathways. It feels like identity, but it’s actually just an ingrained habit that can be broken.

Heuristics compound this problem. These are the mental shortcuts you developed early in life:

• “If it feels risky, say no” (availability heuristic, where recent examples of failure weigh heavily)

• “If everyone else is doing it, it must be safe” (social proof says follow the crowd)

• “If I don’t know how to do it perfectly, don’t start” (perfectionism as decision rule)

• “Stick with what’s worked before” (familiarity heuristic, or known is always safer than unknown)

These thoughts don’t originate from your hardware. They’re not even sociogenic programming. They’re just patterns you’ve repeated until they became invisibly controlling.

Your Diagnostic Tool in (Now) Four Categories

The crucial first step? You need to distinguish between our now four categories of traits, each with different implications for change.

1. Biogenic (Genetic Baseline)

One-third of your personality. Accept it. Design around it. Work with it, not against it.

Example: Your baseline level of extroversion, agreeableness, or neuroticism.

2. Sociogenic (Cultural Programming)

This is the committee’s legacy, and it feels fixed but was installed by the people in your life and your cultural environment. It’s changeable, but definitely sticky because it’s socially reinforced.

Example: “People like us don’t take risks.” “I need to be the provider.” “Women in my family don’t prioritize their careers.”

3. Autopilot Patterns (Habits and Heuristics)

Repeated behaviors that became automatic and are now mistaken for personality. These can be reprogrammed once you recognize them.

Example: “I always say yes.” “I can’t make myself go to the gym.” “I’m bad with numbers.”

4. Idiogenic (Conscious Authorship)

Here is where you intentionally choose what to do in terms of free-trait personal projects, and therefore who you will be. This is your active story, and this is where your agency lives.

Example: “I’m becoming someone who builds an expertise-based business.” “I’m developing the skill of public speaking.” “I am becoming a person who doesn’t drink alcohol.”

Categories 2, 3, and 4 are all flexible. Most of what you think is Category 1 (fixed genetic hardware) is actually Category 2 (sociogenic programming) or Category 3 (autopilot patterns).

You only need to work around one-third of who you are. The rest? That’s up for revision.

Eliminating the “Big Five” Cognitive Biases

Understanding the four categories helps. But we need to look closer at a form of mental shortcut that goes beyond the heuristics of Category 4 to fully understand why change feels hard.

Your brain defaults to errors that come from relying on a special form of mental shortcut called a cognitive bias that keeps the old story in place. Cognitive biases normally run behind the scenes, but once you recognize them operating in your mental processes, you can’t unsee them.

1. Status Quo Bias: Your brain prefers keeping things as they are, even when the current situation is objectively bad. “It’s not that bad.” “Maybe I won’t get laid off.”

What’s really happening: Your brain weighs potential losses from change more heavily than potential gains.

The antidote: Calculate the cost of not changing. What is staying in your current story actually exposing you to, as far as real risk?

2. Confirmation Bias: Your brain seeks evidence that confirms what you already believe about yourself. “See? I tried that once and failed. I knew I wasn’t cut out for it.”

What’s really happening: You notice every mistake and ignore every success. Your brain filters reality through your existing identity story.

The antidote: Actively look for counter-evidence. Force yourself to list three times you actually succeeded at the thing you think you’re bad at.

3. Cognitive Dissonance: The psychological discomfort generated when your actions contradict your beliefs. Your brain reduces this tension by adjusting your beliefs to match your behaviors. You avoid risk for years, then tell yourself, “I guess I’m just someone who plays it safe.”

What’s really happening: It’s less painful to believe, “This is who I am,” than to admit, “I’ve been living someone else’s story.”

The antidote: Recognize that past behavior doesn’t determine future identity. You can choose differently starting now.

4. Sunk Cost Fallacy: Continuing on a course of action because you’ve already invested so much, even when it no longer makes sense. “I’ve spent 20 years building this career. I can’t walk away now.”

What’s really happening: Your brain treats past investment as a binding commitment, when those costs are gone whether you continue or not.

The antidote: Recognize that the investment and time spent are in the past. Stop looking backward and make your decision based on what makes sense from here. The only question that matters is, “What do I want to do with the next 20 years?”

5. Self-Consistency Bias: This is your brain’s drive to act consistently with your past behavior and stated identity, even when circumstances change. “I’ve always been the responsible one, I can’t just stop now.” “I’m not the kind of person who quits.”

What’s really happening: Your brain treats inconsistency as a threat to your coherent sense of self (which, again, is actually a story). This makes you cling to an outdated identity rather than admit the old story doesn’t work.

The antidote: Consistency with your past self is less important than alignment with your future self. You’re allowed to update based on new information, and that’s the whole point of a midlife remix.

These biases aren’t proof that you can’t change. They’re just old code running in the background.

Now that you can see the code, you can rewrite it. Introspection and meditation can help.

The Diagnostic: What Are You Working With?

It’s time to carefully examine your own story. Before you can shift to a new identity, you need to truly understand who you are right now with absolute intellectual honesty.

Assignment 1: Sort Your Beliefs

Make a list of beliefs you have about yourself. Start with phrases like:

• “I’m just not...”

• “I’ve always been...”

• “I can’t...”

For each belief, ask: Which category does this actually belong to?

• Biogenic? It’s probably genetic hardware. Work with it. Design around it. Don’t fight it.

• Sociogenic? This is the committee’s voice. It was installed. You can examine it and decide whether to keep it.

• Autopilot? This is old programming made up of habits and biases that became automatic. You can change it once you recognize it.

• Idiogenic? You’re already choosing this. Keep building on it intentionally.

Most of what you’ll find is sociogenic or autopilot. Dispense with anything from these two categories that gets in the way of your free-trait pursuits to act “out of character.”

Assignment 2: Spot Your Cognitive Biases

Which biases keep you stuck most often?

• Status quo bias: “Change feels too risky (even when your current situation is what’s actually risky).”

• Confirmation bias: “I keep finding proof I can’t do this.”

• Cognitive dissonance: “I’ve acted this way forever, so it must be who I am.”

• Sunk cost fallacy: “I’m too invested to change course now.”

• Self-consistency bias: “Who I am already is my comfort zone.”

Just name it when you feel it. “That’s status quo bias talking.” “That’s the sunk cost fallacy.”

Awareness itself creates space for choice. And that’s all mindfulness is, not some mystic state.

What’s Coming Next

You now understand the architecture:

• One-third biogenic (fixed)

• Two-thirds sociogenic and idiogenic (flexible)

• Autopilot patterns and cognitive biases keep the old story running

• Personal projects powered by free traits for strategic flexibility

Next week, we’ll tackle the question you’re probably already asking:

Okay, but what do I actually do about this?

We’ll explore in greater detail why your brain tries to keep you trapped in your comfort zone, and how to decide between two paths forward: remastering what you have or remixing from the core groove.

Coming next week: “Remix vs. Remaster: Choose Your Version of Midlife Reinvention”

This is where we switch the metaphor from editing a story to musical enhancement so you gain greater clarity. You’ll learn to diagnose which personality layer is causing the problem, and whether you need to polish your current self or create a noticeably different one.

For now, just do the diagnostic work. Sort your beliefs. Spot your biases. Start seeing what’s actually fixed versus what just feels that way.

The stuckness isn’t who you are. It’s just old programming running on autopilot.

And now you know what you’re working with.

Keep going-

Brian

P.S. New to Further? Join us here.

further: flashback

🎶 Talk Talk – It’s My Life, It’s My Life, 1984 🎶

Quick, think of three 80s bands with a name that is the same word repeated twice. There’s Duran Duran, The The, and these guys — Talk Talk. Here’s their highest charting US hit, It’s My Life (no real chance of confusing it with the Bon Jovi song of the same name). (YouTube)

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